"Robbing Yo"

To my sheer delight we had a robbery attempt last week that ended in a fashion I believe all robberies should end. So let me set this up:

Three miscreant teens stole their momma's car and went cruising around Raleigh, flashing their gang signs and acting tough. At some point the gas gauge read "E," so, being "bangers," they decided to rob somebody for gas money. Genius!

At the same time a couple walked home from a local bar. They were minding their own business and not jeopardizing the rest of us by drinking and driving when they were suddenly accosted by this band of idiots.

Idiot #1 gets out, wearing a mask, and demands money. The guy defends his girlfriend by kicking the idiot's teeth in, knocking him flat. Idiots #2 and #3 rush to help their fallen comrade. Idiot #2 rushes the man and is skewered on a pocket knife. He drops like a hat, his lungs deflated. Idiot #3 surrenders immediately.

The couple leave and call 911. The Idiots #1 and #3 drag idiot #2 to the hospital, where emergency surgeons unfortunately save his life. While in the recovery room he has the audacity to ask a detective, "What happened to the suspect?" As if the robbery victim was now a suspect. Amazing! The detective stated, "We got him. Him, of course, being you."