Blondie

She's sitting in the third row, smacking her lips loudly every time the judge gives a verdict. I eagerly anticipate the mayhem that will begin the second the courtroom deputy asks her to leave. But it doesn't come. Stupid people get away with everything. She's an older black woman wearing a ridiculous blond wig. Not the long, flowing wig like Mary J. Blige wears sometimes, but a tightly curled wig, like something your grandmother might find in fashion, only this lady is forty five.

Finally, her case comes before the judge. She is charged with filing a false police report. In direct opposition to good judjment, she decides to represent herself rather than hire a court appointed attorney. Bad move, lady! Two Raleigh Police officers lay out the specifics of the case. She approached the maintenance man at Walnut Terrace housing project. He was in the process of dumping trash into a dumpster and I guess, since she wasn't encumbered by a job, good common sense, etc...
she decided to defend the community. "You're not allowed to dump here, man," she said to the guy.

"I work here, lady." He responded.

Realizing she had no business enforcing some fantasy "law" she'd created in her head, she changed the subject. "How about lending me a couple of dollars so I can go to the store."

He responded, "How about getting a fucking job!"

This infuriated her. She began cursing and screaming at the man, who, against better judjment, participated in a battle of wits with a witless wonder. Finally, he said the magic words: "Your mama!"

This was more than blondie could take. Lucky for her a Raleigh Police Officer was driving into the housing project at this exact moment. The maintenance man got into his truck and left as the angry trogolodyte stepped in front of the police car and held up her hand. She told the officer the maintenance man had robbed her at gun point. She said he got out of the truck with a black pistol, made her get on the ground, and stole her money.

Being a good officer, he called for back-up and caught up with the truck. They stopped the vehicle at gun point and placed the guy in handcuffs. Then searched his truck. No gun! And the guy didn't even have money in his wallet. He told them what really happened.

Afterward, they located the blond boob and arrested her for filing a false police report. The officer told this to the judge, who was visibly shaking her head at the outrageous story.

In the end, blondie presented her defense. Here it is:
"I didn't say I was robbed. Well, I don't think I said it. I mean, eighty percent of me says I didn't say it but maybe twenty percent says I did. I don't think I ever said it."

Guilty as charged.

Buying Bombs

Raleigh — At least one mortar shell exploded Tuesday morning after it got mixed in with a load of scrap metal at a processing plant on Garner Road, police said.
Witnesses said they heard two explosions and saw some smoke at Raleigh Metals Recycling, at 2310 Garner Road, at about 11 a.m. (WRAL.com)

How does something like this happen? I mean, a couple of Hispanic guys show up in a pickup truck full of mortar shells, and you buy them? It says a lot about the management of this place. In today's post 911 climate where BOMBS are tantamount to terrorist activity, you would think the buyer would call the police immediately. Maybe even stall the guys until the police arrive. But no! They buy the bombs and then try to compact them, intent on making every last buck, even if it sends two of their employees to the hospital and shuts down half the city.

A Robbery Thwarted

A small Hispanic man was walking home from work. He noticed two young black males (hereafter referred to as Shit-stick #1 and Shit-stick #2) following close behind him on the sidewalk... a little too close. Sensing something was about to happen, he called his wife and told her where he was. It was at this time Shit-stick #1 asked him, "You got any money?" The Hispanic male said, "No," and tried to walk away. At this time Shit-stick #2 began cursing the man and posturing himself in an aggressive
manner. Shit-stick #1 pulled up the corner of his shirt and displayed a hammer, as if to threaten the man with violence. The Hispanic man was terrified and didn't know what Shit-stick #1 had under his shirt. He suspected it might be a gun as it was dark at their location. At this very moment a police officer rolled by and the Hispanic man ran into the street waiving his arms.

Both Shit-sticks were taken into custody at the scene. But that isn't my point here. The best part of this story was the reasoning for possessing the hammer. These two clowns had at least fifteen minutes to figure out a plausible excuse for having a hammer. Shit-stick #2, who didn't even have the hammer, provided their air-tight alibi. They had the hammer to fix his VCR. That's right, his VCR. The best he could come up with was they were going to work on small electronic circuitry with a HAMMER.