Funeral Blues

"Undercover officers use Taser on pallbearerPosted:
WILMINGTON, N.C. — A North Carolina sheriff's official has apologized for plunging a funeral into chaos when undercover agents tried to arrest the dead man's son - and used a Taser on him in the process. It happened as the coffin was being loaded into a hearse. The officers planned to quietly arrest pallbearer Gladwyn Taft Russ III, The Star-News of Wilmington reported Wednesday. Relatives said two deputies dressed in coats and ties grabbed Russ and kneed him in his back before Tasering him. One deputy's gun fell out of its holster. Russ' sister, Taffy Gause, said when she got out of the car a deputy "was waving a gun at me and my mom and yelling to get back or he was going to shoot." She said some mourners went home instead of going to the cemetery.Russ, 42, had failed to surrender after being charged with threatening his ex-wife who lives in another state, officials said. Following his father's death Nov. 11, Russ agreed to surrender after the funeral.When deputies approached Russ during the Saturday funeral, he "went wild" and spat on the officers, said New Hanover County sheriff's chief deputy Ed McMahon. McMahon said the officers should have waited until after the cemetery service."It was never my intention to create any more problems for the family, and I am truly sorry and apologize for that," he said. McMahon said the officers pointed Tasers at people because the crowd was moving toward them. Russ was charged with assault on a government official, resisting an officer, disorderly conduct and felony malicious conduct by a prisoner."Everybody was so scared. We thought it was a drug deal gone bad," said Ronnie Simmons, a pallbearer and Russ' brother-in-law. "We almost dropped the casket."

Nothing I could say would be funnier than what the article already says.

Kobe Japanese Steak House

We ate at Kobe tonight after being referred by one of my wife's coworkers. Kobe, a Japanese steak house, doesn't actually serve Kobe beef. "It's just a name," the waiter answered when I inquired. Our attention was drawn to the multi-person tables. You know, in the Japanese steak house tradition, a semicircular table surrounds a large grill as a chef puts on a show for delighted patrons. We hate people, therefore, we sat in the regular seating area. But the show was still in plain view. And what a show it was.

The chef was a mid-twenties white male with a pony tail and a nose ring. He wasn't ethnic in any way, but, much to our amusement, kept speaking to his "audience" with a fake Japanese accent. That's right, he was faking a Japanese accent. Why would one do that? Did he suddenly become Japanese when he put on that big puffy hat? Colossal dork!

Mental Health Douche-bag

We're working at the Mental Health Crisis Assessment Center, keeping all of the unhappy's placated before they're shipped off to the loonie bin. But this one guy is really bugging us. He says he's from Peru, but he's not from Peru. Why is he lying? He says he doesn't want to get committed, but then tells the doctor he's suicidal and off his meds. He's very angry because he lives at the homeless shelter.

From the homeless shelter to Dorothea Dix Mental Hospital.

But he keeps bothering us over and over with his minuscule problems. What about my stuff? What happens to my stuff? The miserable details of his problems are boring me. I think I'll end his tirade by putting in my Ipod headphones. His irritating voice replaced by the soundtrack to the Lion King. Hakuna mutata motherfucker!