Invincible

My buddy Rob and I are parked behind the Walmart on Glenwood Avenue doing the usual after a long night shift. Talking about nothing. Recalling funny events over the past twelve years. Rob says scientists need to study the homeless to find out why they are so resistant to sickness, injury, etc. But they should only be studied in their natural environment. Our stupid conversation leads me to recall several events of the amazing resiliency of the homeless.

"Shady" is an older black man with a friar tuck hair cut and a thick mustache. If he's drunk, he's nice. Otherwise he can be kind of an asshole. But most times he's drunk, so don't worry about it. Shady fell asleep in the private parking lot adjacent to the Wake County Courthouse, a place he's quite familiar with, having been arrested nearly a hundred times for public intoxication, trespassing, etc. Nothing serious. But on this day Shady fell asleep in a parking place between two cars. For no apparent reason he wedged his head underneath the back right tire of a full sized Ford Bronco. The lady driving the vehicle never saw Shady until she felt the bump, the bump being the entire weight of the Ford being balanced on Shady's forehead. In fact, the tires dug treads into his flesh that are still visible today, nearly three years later. The lady called 911 immediately. She couldn't have been more upset. But Shady was fine. A huge smile on his bleeding face he downed the last swig of a bottle of Dagger fortified wine. Who drinks Dagger? Is this a company whose sole customer base is comprised of homeless people? I've never been anywhere where they proudly announce, "Tonight's event is sponsored by Dagger Wine." Anyway, Shady was fine. He had a couple of stitches, and I believe the doctor gave him an MRI just to make sure his brain wasn't swelling, but he was fine. In fact, less than two months after this event I had to arrest Shady for breaking into a construction site to masturbate with a Penthouse magazine he'd lifted at the Peace Street Market. I guess his brain is just fine.

Another guy had broken into the abandoned Jones Supply Company. My other partner Gid caught him inside the fence. The guy took off running and scaled the west side of the building. Gid followed. Then, unprompted, the man ran off the other side of the building. Thirty five feet onto concrete. He broke both his legs and was unable to run farther. Gid casually climbed down and walked over to where the guy was laying. The guy pretended to be asleep. Thirty five feet and two broken legs and he pretends to be asleep. As if Gid had merely happened upon him in the parking lot. How did he live? Any normal person would have been dead on arrival at the hospital. But not these guys.