Trooper Chase

A State Trooper clocked a guy driving 120 miles per hour in the rain on I540 and a chase ensued down Leesville Rd. The moron exceeded 80 mph on a blind curve and lost control, flipping several times and pancaking the car. Of course he was drunk, so he wasn't injured, except for having a "sore" wrist. Any normal well-intentioned citizen would have been killed instantly, but, for some reason, useless people are invincible.

So this asshole jumps and runs into the woods and the Troopers lose him. About fifteen minutes go by, and billions of dollars or resources are being wasted (two ambulances, a fire truck, about twenty cops combing the woods), before a call comes in from down the street. Evidently, some guy with the last name of Acosta (the same last name as the owner of the pancaked car) has knocked on the door of an apartment and told the occupants he'd been robbed. Rather than doing the only thing one should do in that situation-which is shoot the guy in the face and call 911 to report a home invasion- this good Samaritan not only calls the police, but also lets Mr. Acosta come inside and sit on the couch. Even brings the guy a glass of water!

We get there and Mr. Acosta has created an elaborate story of how his car wound up smashed in the woods. Evidently, two black guys carjacked and kidnapped him and, lucky for him, a cop started chasing them. They ran from the cop and wrecked his car. He only staggered off into the woods to get help, momentarily forgetting that all he had to do was stay with the car and the police would help. Imagine his plight, being victimized so horribly by those mean black guys and their big guns.

We indulged him for about a minute before calling him a goddamn liar. Seconds later he was reduced to tears and admitted to everything. Way to create one lame-ass story, Mr. Acosta. Looks like it worked out well for you.