Backseat Buffoon

I'm watching video of a traffic stop. The two people in the vehicle were both arrested with a trafficking amount of designer drugs, as well as a large quantity of cocaine. But what's funny about the incident we didn't notice during the arrest. It came after. You see, the police cruiser has a video camera that records what's happening in front of the car, but it also has a second microphone in the back seat. So, when the officer asked if the male driver had any drugs in the car, you hear him say, "Oh, no, Officer. I don't do drugs." Unfortunately for him, his drivers license was suspended and the Officer arrested him. At this point a search of the vehicle is allowed under state law. The Officer places the guy in the back seat of the police cruiser and again asks, "Do you have anything illegal in the car?"

"No, Officer. Hey, can't we talk about this?"

The Officer then begins his search. The back seat microphone catches this guy's psychotic ramblings and, like the credit card commercial, it's priceless! "Oh, God," he screeches over and over in a high-pitched falsetto, almost sounding like a woman. "What the fuck? Oh my God! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screams so loud the officer hears him from the other car, some twenty yards away. The Officer walks back and asks, "Is everything alright? Were you screaming?"

"Uh, no, Officer. I wasn't screaming. I just wanted to talk to my attorney. Can you let me call my attorney?"

"No," the Officer says calmly. "You can call him once you get booked downtown." Then the Officer speaks to the female passenger from the car. He asked her, "Hey, I'm searching the car now, so before I start, do you know of anything in the car that might be illegal?"

As he asks the guy in the back seat starts whining in a high-pitched moan. "Ohhhhhhhh. Noooooooo. Shiiiiiiiiiit! Oh my God. I'm going to have a fucking heart attack! Don't tell'em baby. Don't tell'em. Take the rap, baby. I'll owe you forever. Take the rap! I can't go back to jail. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh Nooooooooooo!"

The Officer finds the drugs. The female immediately says, "That's not my stuff. It's his. He told me to put it in my purse when you pulled us over."

Now the guy in the back seat is crying and moaning. "Noooooooooo. Oh God, Noooooooooooooo!"

Both are arrested. I can't possibly describe how funny this guy's rantings are in words.