Chicken Wings

Last week a local restaurant called to report three young white males had skipped out on their bill, exiting a side door rather than paying for two orders of chicken wings. The bill had the whopping total of $10.88. One of the waitresses recognized the guy who ordered the wings. She told me his name and the high school he'd attended. By running the name I located his mother's address. She'd kicked him out several weeks prior for being a freeloader.

I had her call his cell phone, as he'd left for Wilmington the day before. When he answered I informed him I was investigating the larceny of chicken wings. It was difficult for me to say this without laughing, but somehow I managed. A week later I caught up with and formally charged him.

I defy you to find a more blatant waste of money. Don't get me wrong, I did exactly what I'm supposed to do. By now, I've wasted approximately four hours salary tracking down this guy and charging him. My Sergeant has wasted about thirty minutes reviewing the report, making copies, and handling the administrative end. We will go to court, where the witness (a restaurant employee), myself, an assistant district attorney, a defense lawyer, and a judge will all collaborate on the case. Most likely it won't be settled for at least three court settings, magnifying the cost of all resources to an astronomical figure. All for a plate of chicken wings.