Internet Ads

Internet ads are weird. There is no simpler way to put it. Even conventional, legitimate business sites have strange ads. I was reading an ad for toilets (Don't ask me why) and ran across the words, "Use a toilet seat riser for less pain/stress." Less pain and stress? If you are having that much trouble during bowel movements, you might want to consider changing your diet. Maybe eat something with actual nutritional content instead of liquor and pie. A bowel movement shouldn't be this problematic.

While I'm on Internet ads, have you happened to peruse the personal ads on CraigsList? Some of the most outrageous paragraphs ever written are on this site. And if the post is preempted with the words, "Nothing weird, but..." you know what follows will be ridiculous. "Nothing weird, but I'm a gay man who would love to watch a straight couple have sex." Nothing weird, but I'm looking for a good used sex Hamster. No imitation fur, please!" I love it when these ads become deviant specific, as if the person posting the ad would be offended if your strange behavior is confused with his/hers.

I get the "Nothing weird" alert on the job. When I'm interviewing suspects or dealing with victims, the statement almost always comes up. I remember a case in Walmart several years back. The victim, an older black woman, was shopping for shoes at a bargain table. While holding a shoe, she felt something touching her foot. She looked down, and, to her horror, a man was lying under the table, stroking her foot with his left hand. He told her it was part of his religion to caress women's feet. He asked if she would take off her shoe. I believe his exact words were, "Nothing weird, but will you take off your shoes so I can touch your skin?" I guess the "Nothing weird" disclaimer made everything okay, so she removed her shoes. He touched her feet for several moments.. Then, as anyone would expect, he began licking her toes. It was at this moment she said to me, "At this point things seemed a little strange." A little strange? I guess some guy, lying under a table and stroking a stranger's foot, is not strange. Only when he licked her it became weird. The entire incident was weird. The instant he touched her she should have ran away screaming.