Stop Treating the Symptoms, Fatty

Having lost more than a hundred pounds and gotten myself into good shape, my view of physical fitness has changed considerably. I'm kind of like that reformed smoker that castigates other smokers. But people need to hear the truth:

Stop asking the doctor to treat the symptoms of your obesity!

I'm sitting in the waiting area of Garner Family Practice, waiting to give blood for my annual physical. Several seats down, a portly octogenarian complains to his wife, "Doc's gotta do something about my back. It was killing me when we watched 'Wheel of Fortune' the other night."
This guy was easily fifty pounds overweight. By the look of him I'd guess he hasn't done any form of exercise in twenty years. And I'm sure he lives on a diet of pork sausage, potato chips, and Coca Cola. Maybe throw in some peach cobbler once in a while. How can anyone who eats like shit and never exercises expect a doctor to cure him? What's funny about this is the doctor will prescribe medications and physical therapy rather than telling him to lose weight and exercise.

Real Conversation:

Fatty: "Hey, doc, my back hurts and sometimes I get heartburn. And, oh yeah, I got a family history of heart problems and Diabetes."

Doctor: "I think I'll prescribe Lipitor, Oxycodone, and Mylanta."

This way, not only the physician makes money, but so does his or her sponsor, the pharmaceutical industry. If only they could devise a way to incorporate money for politicians into the equation, they would have all the bases covered. If the doctor really cared about the patient the conversation would go more like this:

Fatty: "Hey, doc, my back hurts and sometimes I get heartburn. And, oh yeah, I got a family history of heart problems and Diabetes."

Doctor: "Lose some weight, fatty. And, oh yeah, how about exercising more than once a decade."

Ultimately, people want instant gratification. They would rather take a pill than actually make effort. How about taking hold of your fitness? Before medicating yourself or demanding the doctor cure you, get yourself into reasonable shape. Your quality of life will improve exponentially. Or you could just sit on your fat ass and complain until your heart explodes.