Everywhere I go I see this oddity. A fat man with his shirt tucked tightly into his pants, as if he's exhausted a significant effort in making sure his shirt is secured flawlessly. This guy is usually wearing a belt adorned with a Nextel, key-chain, and possibly a Leatherman's tool. His clothing is meticulously neat, in sharp comical contrast to his otherwise sloven physical appearance.
Let's analyze this. Why is a morbidly obese guy, someone who takes absolutely no care in his physical appearance, so fastidious about his attire. It could be compared to buying high priced after-market wheels for a Ford Pinto. And it is guaranteed you will hear his Nextel chirp within thirty seconds of seeing him. I even suspect he chirps himself to let you know how important he is.
Most likely he'll be a monumental freak of nature. Not your run of the mill fifty pounds overweight, but 150 pounds or more overweight, his bloated pannus hanging over his belt, obscuring the shiny buckle. For those less familiar with fat lingo, a pannus is a hanging flap of tissue present on severely obese people that resembles an elephant's trunk. They've become so fat they grew an appendage that doesn't come standard on Homo Sapiens. An adaption with absolutely no evolutionary benefit.
Please, Mr. fat man with a pannus and tightly tucked shirt, buy looser clothing and don't tuck. Nobody wants to see the outline of your saucer-sized navel through your Izod. I hope that Nextel chirp is your cardiologist calling to schedule an immediate Gastroplasty. Please don't draw attention to yourself by talking loudly on your Nextel in the grocery line. Believe me, everyone's looking at you anyway.
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