Blondie

She's sitting in the third row, smacking her lips loudly every time the judge gives a verdict. I eagerly anticipate the mayhem that will begin the second the courtroom deputy asks her to leave. But it doesn't come. Stupid people get away with everything. She's an older black woman wearing a ridiculous blond wig. Not the long, flowing wig like Mary J. Blige wears sometimes, but a tightly curled wig, like something your grandmother might find in fashion, only this lady is forty five.

Finally, her case comes before the judge. She is charged with filing a false police report. In direct opposition to good judjment, she decides to represent herself rather than hire a court appointed attorney. Bad move, lady! Two Raleigh Police officers lay out the specifics of the case. She approached the maintenance man at Walnut Terrace housing project. He was in the process of dumping trash into a dumpster and I guess, since she wasn't encumbered by a job, good common sense, etc...
she decided to defend the community. "You're not allowed to dump here, man," she said to the guy.

"I work here, lady." He responded.

Realizing she had no business enforcing some fantasy "law" she'd created in her head, she changed the subject. "How about lending me a couple of dollars so I can go to the store."

He responded, "How about getting a fucking job!"

This infuriated her. She began cursing and screaming at the man, who, against better judjment, participated in a battle of wits with a witless wonder. Finally, he said the magic words: "Your mama!"

This was more than blondie could take. Lucky for her a Raleigh Police Officer was driving into the housing project at this exact moment. The maintenance man got into his truck and left as the angry trogolodyte stepped in front of the police car and held up her hand. She told the officer the maintenance man had robbed her at gun point. She said he got out of the truck with a black pistol, made her get on the ground, and stole her money.

Being a good officer, he called for back-up and caught up with the truck. They stopped the vehicle at gun point and placed the guy in handcuffs. Then searched his truck. No gun! And the guy didn't even have money in his wallet. He told them what really happened.

Afterward, they located the blond boob and arrested her for filing a false police report. The officer told this to the judge, who was visibly shaking her head at the outrageous story.

In the end, blondie presented her defense. Here it is:
"I didn't say I was robbed. Well, I don't think I said it. I mean, eighty percent of me says I didn't say it but maybe twenty percent says I did. I don't think I ever said it."

Guilty as charged.