So I get a gift card from my coworkers to Barnes & Noble. I can't wait to get online and look for some much needed new reading material. I scan the newest releases, intent on getting the most bang I can for my forty bucks. I decide on three selections: "My Life Decoded," "The Portable Atheist," and "The Book of General Ignorance." The first is an autobiography of Craig Venter, the scientist who mapped the human genome. The second is a compilation of great writers and scientists making the case for atheism, the introduction written by Christopher Hitchens, one of my favorites. The last is a book of obscure facts and useless information. Something I cannot live without.
I place the order on December 4, 2007, at 8:42AM. The sky was clear on that day and I remember a refreshing cool breeze coming in from the North. Now, on the order screen, it asked me if I wanted to spend an extra $14.00 to have the items sent rush delivery. The free shipping was supposed to be from 8-11 business days. I figured I'd have the books in no more than eleven days, way before Christmas. Boy was I wrong. I can envision some cigar puffing order taker shoving my order into some cyber-backlogged void and chuckling a la Robert Deniro in "Cape Fear," where he's taunting the terrified family. "Don't want to pay the shipping, eh, boy? I'll take care of that. You won't be seeing this anytime soon."
So what happened was almost comical. The shipping, from 8-11 days, was only part of the delay. I received an order confirmation that informed me my order would be shipped sometime on or around 12-17-07. The seventeenth? You mean to tell me it takes two weeks to put my books in the mail. I can't help but believe Barnes & Noble punished me for not paying their exorbitant rush shipping fees. "We'll show him." I got my books today, though. And as mad as I am at Barnes & Noble, I'm damn happy to have something new to read.
So screw you belligerent malformed order taker. I hope whatever dungeon they have you sitting in catches fire.
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